Three ways to Support a new mom in the postpartum period
One of the main topics that often comes up in my therapy sessions is how lonely being a new mom can be. When you announce a pregnancy, almost everyone is jumping for joy over the new little one growing inside of you. You get lots of attention. Sometimes in the form of people texting you asking for updates on your growing bump, strangers at the grocery store asking how far along you are, and many people giving you unsolicited advice about birth, babies, and parenthood.
When birth comes around, people are eagerly trying to see the new baby. I can't even tell you how many texts I received while I was in the hospital and a couple weeks after asking "How's the baby?" But as time goes on, the phone calls and text messages begin to dwindle. Often times, when new moms and new parents need support the most, they find that there is no one around to extend that helping hand.
New moms and parents need support now more than ever. For the first few months, a new mom's focus is 100 percent on taking care of another being. Between feeding times and sleep schedules, you will long to have the freedom of taking a shower in peace.
A lot of well-intentioned individuals may struggle trying to figure out what is the best way to support a new mom as they enter this new season of parenthood. Ever received a vague text saying "Let me know if you need anything"? Many women of color, struggle asking for help. We are conditioned to chin up and sift through our deepening depression with empty phrases of "I'm fine." We are afraid to let people see the cracks inside of us and asking for help may affirm that fear of ours that we are failing. This is the thing about the postpartum season. It is an incredibly vulnerable time in mind, body, and spirit. It requires support. It requires community. It is not meant for individuals to do all by themselves.
So, Your new bestie or loved just had a new baby and you're at a loss on how to support them?
Bring Food or Set up a Meal Train: The first couple weeks of parenthood is absolutely a whirlwind. In the beginning weeks, many new moms and parents are impacted not only physically, but emotionally. The sleepless nights takes a toll on the body and mind so cooking is typically the last thing on a new parent's minds. They may still be processing this new addition in their life and their birth experience. Making sure that there is healthy, readily available meal they have access to can ease a lot of stress for a new mom or parent.
Help with household tasks: The postpartum experience is one that impacts our mind, body, and spirit. As many parents are spending quality time bonding with their little one, they are also still healing physically from the birth. Assisting with helping fold some laundry, putting some dishes in the dishwasher, and sweeping can help lessen the load on new parents.
Assisting with older child and pets: Just because this isn't their first child does not mean parents need less support. By assisting taking care of an older child and/or beloved furbaby can go wonders. I know a lot of parents get a sense of guilt when they bring in a new baby due to their attention being split for the time being. Providing some brief childcare (inside or outside their home) and giving the pet some cuddles and a walk can give the parents the time they need (like catching up on some sleep!).
Always ask a new mom or parent: How I can support you during this time? Sometimes, a new mom may not know what they need so offering those three tips above can be a perfect starting point for a new mom or parent to communicate additional needs they may need. No matter what, it is important to consistently check in on a new mom or parent. Though new mom or parent may have physically healed from their birthing experience, they are still emotionally in a vulnerable season as they navigate this new identity shift.
